I just read a comment written by Nelishia, WISHING AND HOPING that really hit home with me. She said "It takes much more strength and self-control to suppress and control an emotion than to express every single thing you think and feel."
Wow. How I am learning how true that is. I have always been a very verbal person, not afraid to cut someone down to size. I have always been very quick to anger, get an attitude, yell, cuss, pitch a general fit. Now this is not something I am PROUD of and I have always attributed it to " just being in my genes." Well, being married, I have finally (yes, at 32 years of age) begun to realize, this is NOT the way to deal with people. I am learning that it gets me absolutely nowhere to fly off the handle with my husband, and I am slowly learning that there is a better way to deal with people in general - to act instead of react. Marriage is teaching me that, sometimes, people have the right to be angry and NOT talk about it until it is on their terms. It is teaching me that you get further acting calmly and rationally than ranting and raving. It is teaching me, like Nelishia put it so well, that it is much harder to control an emotion than express every negative feeling you have. It is teaching me that marriage is a long journey; to travel together, to grow together, to get angry at each other , to get annoyed at each other, to be madly in love with each other, but most of all, to learn what love really means. I don't know about everyone, but it is something I am learning about a little every day, through the good times and the hard times.
6 comments:
Aww. Life's lessons are so hard learned. Living with the shame and guilt of words you can never take back that wound forever is a huge fearof mine personally. I take no pride in 'telling it like it is' for the sake of doing so and because I have been given a gift for speaking that many don't have, I must use it wisely, not to harm only to uplift. Speaking is not reactive. It's PROACTIVE. IT HAS TO BE PRODUCTIVE and the motivation must be as selfless as possible to be affective. Do you think I have what it takes to be good relationship material someday? I hope so. And congratulations on learning in the school of life. Best education there is. Hang in there. Those first few years of marriage are always the hardest.
Nelishia
...imagine for a moment if we only had a heart and no brain! We would act instantanously on our emotions! We'd be bouncing all over the place, jealous one second, loving the next.... ..and, even more intersting, the brain is closer to the mouth than the heart......You were designed to THINK before you speak! The brain is supposed to have a chance to filter what the heart has processed!
Processing your emotions, deciding what to say before you feel like speaking shows that you are functioning quite well!
I didn't have to think about this too long....have a great day! Marc :)
Great lesson!
If being married has taught me anything it has taught me the lesson of patience. Hubby has a much higher tolerance level for things than I do and I would find myself flipping out over everything and he is looking at me like I am crazy. Now (9 years later mind you) I find myself stopping and thinking before I attack.
Good luck!!
http://journals.aol.com/ekgillen/Gillie/
Gillie
I have always flown off the handle but as I get older, I find myself handling things so different, I like it too. I'll be 47 feb. 22 but for the past 1o years or so I find myself handling things different. Good luck with you marriage is a hard thing a work in progress. I have been married 23 years.
Ash, you are growing up my friend. I have been there, done that with the mouth, the screaming and the inability to listen and just react. Marriage is SO hard. So hard. There has to be a love there to sustain marriage along with good communication skills. Take care!
LOVE, lisa jo
I think the praying for you is working Ash! I will keep praying. Lelly
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